During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
