I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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