yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
