Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
