She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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