he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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