Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
