Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
