none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
