I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
