Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
