I have demons in me.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
