A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
