Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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