i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need water and some morals
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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