I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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