my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
