i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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