I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
