if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
