So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
