Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
