I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You took a bar mat shot.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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