I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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