I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
