We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
