Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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