She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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