I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
