I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
