She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
