I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
