i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
