Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
