Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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