i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
