I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
