You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
