so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
this hospital has no fireball
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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