Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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