sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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