You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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