Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
