im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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