I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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