dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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