And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you guys were way drunker than both of me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sober January is a disaster.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
