New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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