I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
