I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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