Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
